


Desiderata

by wajjs



Series: Across The Universe (vld fics) [16]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Emotional Discussions Happen, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Relationship Discussions, vampire Kolivan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-30
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2019-01-26 20:47:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12565864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wajjs/pseuds/wajjs
Summary: The heart wishes upon a dream.I want to be with you, I want to be together.Hold me close in your arms,tell me the dream lasts forever.—Day 1 of theKolivance Mini Event- "Treats"





	Desiderata

**Author's Note:**

> **Other Possible Summary:** _Presented with a problem that was an 8 in a scale out of 10, both Kolivan and Lance managed to reply with a 20. They might have... over exaggerated. But it does bring them closer together._
> 
> Or, as I like to tell myself: presented with a simple prompt, I went overboard and took forever to get to the actual idea that propelled the story. 
> 
> I need to learn how to chill, honestly. That being said, I hope you all like this story!!! It was a bit taxing to write and I had to stop at several moments because of various reasons (that go from me getting emotional over the characters, to traitorous migrains). It was nice to go back to my old style of writing in past tense, though. Felt refreshing, in a way. 
> 
> The beginning quote comes from the 2005 film based on Jane Austen's novel _Pride and Prejudice_. It's personally one of my favorite lines to come from a film and I had it present in my mind as I wrote this. In a way, I think I lowkey thought of Kolivan a bit like I would think of Mr. Darcy...

 

 

**Desiderata**

_You must know, surely you must know, it was all for you. (...) My affections and wishes have not changed, but one word from you will silence me forever._

_If, however, your feelings have changed, I would have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love... I love..._

_I_ _love you. And I never wish to be parted from you from this day on._

(Pride and Prejudice - Mr. Darcy)

 

 

   It was cold.  The feeling coursed through him like enveloping, overpowering waves, making a shivering mess out of him.  The coat should’ve been enough to protect him from the merciless weather, yet he felt chilled to his very bones.  His breathing fogged in front of his face with every breath he took—every breath that did nothing else but freeze his lungs.

   Why was he still out in the middle of the dark woods, surrounded by snow and eerie howls?  He mumbled nonsensically to himself as he dragged one foot in front of the other, the track he left behind one that was easy to follow.  

   He kept walking regardless of how numb his legs felt and that was testament of his stubbornness.  He wasn’t giving up that easily.  Anyone else that wasn’t him would’ve turned around and gone back home long ago, accepting that nothing that wasn’t of the order of the ordinary would actually happen.  But he wasn’t anyone else (he admits that if he happened to be, it would probably make his life so much easier), and going back home to stew in his defeat was not an ending he wanted to have to live with for the rest of his life.

   So what if he freezed his balls off and died of hypothermia?  It was a better and more compelling ending than dying old and alone because the person he fell in love with decided to lie to themselves in a totally unconvincing fashion and say that the risks of them being together were just far too great.   _ Bullshit _ , he said then and he said now as he prowled through the snow.  It was absolute bullshit.

   Remembering that conversation gave him a new sprout of energy.  Now he was moving solely on high levels of frustration and anger because—because they both knew there was nothing back at the small town he came from waiting for him.  Nothing.  What was the point in sending him back?  There was nothing for him there, not after so long.  And if he was honest, he could easily admit that there had never been anything too valuable for him there.  

   He was alone.  And tired.  Alone, mostly.  It was alienating in so many ways, numbing his skull and making his back ache with unwanted jarring stabs of loneliness.

   It was frustrating because they both had been alone.  There was no reason to go back and return to having no one again.

 

   “Why would you... do this to us?,” he whispered into the evening air.  A full body shiver wracked through him then, and it was powerful enough to make him sob.

 

   The outburst of energy had left him as quickly as it came, and now he was down to his haunting thoughts that kept getting slower and clumsier the more time passed.  He couldn’t feel his face, and he didn’t have enough consciousness to wonder if that was a bad thing.  It was cold.  It was mind-numbingly cold and he was so far away from his lover’s warm embrace.  Why did things never work out for him?  He had only wanted to be loved.  He had…

   His foot caught on a branch he hadn’t been able to see under the thick layers of snow.  He fell forwards, one arm stretched out to somewhat protect his face from the fall, and then the cold was truly and undeniably taking over him completely.  

   Lying on the snow as he was, he no longer had energy left to get up.  He knew he probably should, that this—this was bad, this was truly bad, and he didn’t actually want to die… not yet, at least.  Not yet.  But he couldn’t.  His body no longer answered to his brain’s clumsy and half-assed commands, and his eyelids were beginning to droop.  He was just so… tired.  

   His heart ached inside his chest at the thought, and in that moment he truly believed that maybe he wasn’t meant for anything great.  Maybe he had always been supposed to live his life tired and alone and with no reason to wait for tomorrow, no reason to look with joy upon yesterday.  Maybe he had always been meant to be a half-assed mess of a human.  Maybe he simply had been too stubborn to realize.

 

   “S’okay,” he slurred to no one, face half-hidden in the snow, “I forgive you.”

 

   Lance closed his eyes then.  It was ok.  This was ok.

 

—

 

   Waking up in a different place from the one he remembered falling asleep in was hardly a novelty for him by now.  It still stunned him for a few seconds, making him stay still and wide-eyed as he stared at the canopy above his head.  Then he began to take stock of his situation.  

   Wherever he was (he did have a few educated guesses), it was decidedly warm, and somewhere nearby Lance could hear the telling crack of wood burning in a fireplace, the soft glow of flames casting interesting shadows on the drapes hanging from the canopy, falling at the sides of the bed.

   It was a big bed, too.  Big enough that if he were to stretch out his arms and legs completely towards his sides to take up as much space as possible, there’d still be room for at least two people to sleep there peacefully.  Not that he could actually fully stretch his limbs—he had been covered in layers of blankets, and at least the first three blankets closer to him had been neatly tucked under his body, keeping him effectively trapped.  Thankfully, he could still move his head.  More importantly, though, was that he wasn’t cold anymore.

   Lance sighed then, burrowing into the warmth that enveloped him, grateful that he no longer was out there in the woods.  Absently, he wondered what time it was—was it still nighttime or had he somehow slept through what was left of the night and some part of the day?  

   It could be possible, considering he hadn’t really slept much the short time he spent alone after returning to his town.  Those days had been awful.  He did not want to go back there, ever again.  His willingness to face the unforgiving weather was quite telling, he thought.  Lance would do anything to make sure he would not be alone again.

   Closing his eyes once more, he began pressing the pad of his thumb to each of his fingertips on his left hand, repeating the action with his right one after he was done.  The sound of the fireplace filled the room and his thoughts, centering him.  Lance wiggled his toes next, still within his cocoon made of blankets, and hummed, letting a pleased smile tug at the corners of his lips.

 

   From somewhere on his right he heard a door open.  Lance blinked at that and focused his eyes on the closed drapes that acted as some kind of barrier from the rest of the room.  He took a moment to appreciate the delicate embroidery decorating them, forming swirls and intricate patterns that were pleasing to see.

   He said nothing even as steps echoed in the thick silence, disrupting the atmosphere created by the crackling log fire.  The shape of a familiar silhouette was easy to discern as it approached the bed, and Lance held his breath, anticipation tickling his spine and seizing his heart, causing it to beat faster.  He had been right about where he was—still, the outcome of what he’s done... it was about to come and get him now.

   The curtain was pushed to the side and there he stood, the man that made Lance feel both in love and frustrated at the same time. Kolivan looked as infuriatingly beautiful as ever, his clothes hugged his form perfectly, and his lips were set on a harsh line.  Blue eyes found honey ones, the intensity of the gaze waking up shivers in his arms.  Oh god, he was upset.

 

   “You’re awake,” his voice sounded rough, strained even, and it made Lance’s chest ache for him.  He had missed him so damn much…

   He spent a long moment just looking at him, appreciating the firm set of his jaw, noticing the way he held his shoulders in a straight line, how he closed one hand into a tight fist.  As far as reunions went, Lance knew this beginning wasn’t one of the best, yet he could not help but feel elated at seeing his lover so close to him once more.  It was like he had finally found his way back home.

 

   “I’ve got to say,” Lance opted at that moment to try and deflect the tension that was suddenly escalating in the room the longer he stayed silent, “this bed is a very dramatic fashion statement.”

   But Kolivan was having none of that.  “What were you thinking?,” he asked (demanded, almost) as he let go of the drapes that were crumpling noticeably under the force of his grip, “Were you really seeking to die out there, in the snow?!”

   “No,” Lance breathed then with too much ease, his features softening and eyes searching the other’s face for answers that were there, though hard to read as always, “I just wanted to come back home.”

 

   The answer plunged them into a heavily charged impasse.  The silence once more danced freely around the room and Lance only had to look past Kolivan to see the fireplace.  Flames casted an interesting glow around the standing man’s figure, making Lance think that he’s never seen such a wonderful sight before.

   Soon enough the spell was broken.  A deep sigh rumbled from within Kolivan’s lips as he moved to sit on the bed, carefully pressing a firm palm to Lance’s cheek, his fingertips dusting across the soft skin.  The action made them feel like the world was waiting for something to happen, for something magical to bloom.  He traced Lance’s cheekbone with his fingertips, slowly dragging them down the side of his face towards his neck.

   Kolivan stopped his hand right underneath Lance’s jawline, on the side of his throat, where once the silver imprint of sharp fangs had been clear to see for even the less careful of eyes.  Lance’s pulse jumped under his fingers, the only betraying sign of how anxious the younger man actually was.  At least he didn’t feel cold to the touch anymore.   _ At least he was still alive. _

 

   “I told you it was for the best if we didn’t see each other again,” he whispered, afraid of disrupting the energy coiling tightly between them.  “I thought you had understood that.”

   Lance frowned upon hearing that.  He began squirming under the pile of blankets then, breaking eye contact as he tried to find a way out of his cocoon.

   “Help me out of this,” he huffed after a moment, cheeks turning a darker shade of brown in embarrassment, “I refuse to have this discussion while I’m immobilized by—I don’t even know by how many blankets.”

   “I needed to help you get back to a non-threatening body heat level.  You—,” with a sigh, he deftly removed a couple of blankets and helped Lance sit up, not quite meeting his eyes, “you could’ve died, Lance, and I—”

   “Wait, wait, wait,” Lance groaned a bit, shaking off yet another blanket (he was beginning to get really irritated by them) as he leaned forwards, taking Kolivan by surprise when he clasped one of his hands between his own.  “Go back a bit.  To the whole ‘I thought you understood’ thing.  Because, damn it, big guy.  You are being a bit dense right now.”

   “Excuse me?”

   “You heard me.  You are being super dense and it’s just so—so frustrating,” giving Kolivan’s hand a gentle squeeze, he then let go of it to drop his own hands onto his lap, focusing his eyes on them as he began pressing each fingertip to the corresponding pair.

 

   The logs burning in the fire crackled at that moment, and Lance bit his lip, trying to focus on the fleeting words running amok his thoughts so the next few ones he said would turn out to be the right ones.  He could practically feel Kolivan growing tense by his side, even while they still had a couple of centimeters putting a pretense of distance between them.  

   The truth was that it was hard to talk.  Maybe it was because the two of them had spent so much time being on their own, that they had grown used to not having someone else to talk things through.  Or maybe it was because Lance lacked the experience; his past relationships had all died shortly after they had begun, so he had never gotten to the point in which things that bothered each other needed to be talked about.

   He lifted his blue eyes from his lap tentatively only to find that Kolivan had never looked away from him.  His heart jumped inside his ribcage, fluttering like a hummingbird’s wings, and he gulped while clutching one hand within the other, his nervousness creeping up his senses.

   God, how much he loved him.  And now everything depended on how this conversation went.  The pressure Lance felt increased tenfold at that realization, and he exhaled a shaky breath, feeling his eyes begin to sting.  They were merely looking at each other and he was about to cry already.  His chest felt tight and he lifted one hand to press the heel of his palm to his eye, fighting back the tears that were rapidly forming.

 

   “Lance,” Kolivan said at that moment, sounding distressed.  The name rolled off his lips with surprising speed; he had breathed it out as he moved closer and now their knees were brushing.

   Carefully, he encircled Lance’s wrist with his fingers, lowering the hand so he could have a better look at that beautiful and always so expressive face.

   “Lance,” he repeated, urgent, “please look at me.”

   “I’m sorry,” Lance whined in a hiccup, but kept his head down, angling his face towards the shadows, “I’m so sorry. I just—”

   “No, Lance, look at me,” Kolivan insisted as he lowered his head too, trying his very best to see those pretty blue eyes he had fallen for.  “Please,” his voice dropped to a whisper, and something inside him seized with anguish.  He had caused this.  “Please, Lance, look at me…”

   “I just—you don’t get it,” even though Lance was trying his best at holding back his sobs, the sound of his wavering voice made Kolivan hold his breath, “you don’t get it, that I’d do anything to stay with you. And you— _ you sent me away! _ ”

 

   This time, when Lance’s eyes met Kolivan’s head on, they were full of sorrow and pain.  The image was striking.  Beautiful and painful in ways Kolivan knew would haunt him forever.  He flinched at the intensity, felt destroyed by the tears, by the way blue swirled in oceans of distress and seas of frustrations.  His delicate eyebrows were furrowed in a frown, the corners of his mouth dropping downwards, showing his grief.  Oh, how Kolivan felt like an asshole.  He had managed to hurt the only person in his life he had never intended to harm.

 

   “You sent me away even when you knew—you knew you were just, just, grasping at excuses and lies you didn’t even halfway believe! Like, damn it!  _ Damn you! _ ,” Lance cried, his skin darkening in splotches around his forehead and eyes while tears poured down his cheeks.

   Kolivan jerked backwards as if burned.  He dropped his hands, his expression halfway into a grimace and utter disbelief.  His eyes darkened like heavy clouds gathering for the storm that was about to come and once again his lips were pressed firmly together, forming a tight line.  He hadn’t expected that onslaught of feelings.  He hadn’t expected to be hit by them in form of relentless whips so hard that it physically hurt.

   “You couldn’t even look at me when you said that I had to leave!,” Lance continued on regardless, like an unstoppable tidal wave, leaving behind barren lands and broken pieces of glass, and in a quieter part of his mind he realized that the situation was quickly escaping his hands, “You know what I understood?  _ You know what?  _ I understood that you didn’t want me to leave but you were coward enough to go for the easy way out!”

   “That’s enough,” Kolivan stood up at once, honey eyes bitter as bile, “I’ve heard enough.  Once you’ve recovered you’ll go back to—”

   “No, damn it, you don’t understand!,” Lance tried to stand, too, but the blankets got in his way.  Instead, he fell on his hands over the mattress, frustration making a new wave of tears drip down his swollen eyes.  He felt helpless, desperate.  He couldn’t even control his mouth like he had thought he would. He just had to go and ruin  _ everything _ .  “You were scared! Of—of being together, of being with me, after—after you bit me!,” he gasped between sobs, dying to reach out, to have Kolivan right by his side again.  The distance  _ hurt _ .

 

   Every muscle in Kolivan’s body tensed at the memory.  His eyes grew harsh and he made no move to help Lance either get up or sit again.  He couldn’t.  Not when everything felt so raw and electrifying, not when he couldn’t open his hands from the tight first they had formed.

   “Be careful,” he warned, already angling his body towards the entrance.

   “You were scared,” Lance repeated, doing noticeable attempts at calming himself, taking deep breaths as he kneeled on the bed, rubbing away the tear tracks from his cheeks with the cuffs of the shirt he was wearing, “because you were so close of—of hurting me, and it would have been the end…”

   Kolivan glared at the fireplace.  “I drank too much of your blood,” he admitted even though it looked like it hurt him to remember that night, months ago, “you were so pale and could barely keep your eyes open… I… I could’ve killed you!,” his composure failing him as his voice raised, he turned around fully, his back to Lance.  “I could’ve—you could’ve died in my arms and there wouldn’t have been a way to bring you back because it would’ve been too late!  You don’t understand.  I didn’t understand, either, until that happened… why vampires and humans can’t be together.  It’s just.  It’s too much, Lance.”

   “We can try,” Lance wavered as he silently begged, effectively pushing the blankets aside this time and standing up, pressing a tentative hand to the center of Kolivan’s back.  “Don’t you see?,” new tears formed at the tired corners of his eyes, though now he made no attempt at fighting them back.  “It’s too much if you try to shoulder everything on your own.  Don’t push me away, Kolivan.  Don’t push me away when I invite you in.”

   “It’s for your own safety—”

   “You know damn well it isn’t!,” he groaned, fingers curling in the soft cotton of Kolivan’s shirt, “I am safe with you, damn it, I’ve never been safer.  That time just shows how far you’ll go to avoid hurting me,” giving a small step forwards, he hung his head and let his forehead come to a rest on the other’s back.  “So maybe stop hurting me now.  Stop trying to carry all the guilt on your own…”

 

   A fluttering, fleeting moment passed between them.  Kolivan stepped towards the door.  

   “You need more rest,” he said.  “If you are hungry, there’s still food in the kitchen.”  

   Lance’s heart cried in his chest, threatening to break his ribs and fall at his feet.  

   “Goodnight, Lance,” Kolivan mumbled, looking over his shoulder once.  “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

—

 

   He didn’t sleep another minute.  He didn’t want to and even if he had, he knew he couldn’t. He sat back on the bed, absentmindedly noticing the softness of the covers and the firmness of the mattress.  Around him the world was either still or spinning too fast.  Had he really lost everything?  Kolivan couldn’t truly be done with him, could him?  It just.  It didn’t make sense.

   Lance groaned as he let himself fall down, head throbbing from crying and his entire body still feeling exhausted.  He had betted everything he had on this one chance at being together again, and god, he really had screwed up, hadn’t he?  Cursing under his breath, he threw one arm over his tired eyes even as fresh tears slid down his face, dripping onto the dark covers.  

   Maybe… he had asked for too much.  Or had been too desperate for loving gazes and soft touches.  Maybe whatever damage that fell upon them was irreparable…

   Time passed by slowly.  He didn’t move from the bed, not even once.  He wasn’t sure if his knees would answer him, he didn’t know if his feet could still carry his weight.  Everything was so heavy on his soul, and he just wished to be held.  

   He wanted to be held like he once was, months ago, during warmer nights and on an entirely different bedroom, fireplace still crackling with life, sweet words being whispered into his ear.  Firm hands had traced his body with no doubts but with all the care one person could have for another; fingertips had made him come undone, lips had covered every inch of him in kisses till he was whole.

  
  


   There was a knock on the door, but he couldn’t even answer—he tried parting his lips, dry as they were, and shaped them into a word.  Still no sound came out.  It only made him wish he could sink deeper into the mattress.

 

   “I noticed you didn’t eat anything,” Kolivan said as he opened the door, carrying a small tray with two different bowls in one hand, “and I figured you’d be awake still.”

   There was the sound of steps that soon followed that statement.  The door closed with a soft thud and Lance dropped his arm from his face, though he remained lying horizontally on the bed.  Luckily, he wasn’t crying anymore.  He felt drained enough already, he didn’t need to shed more energy with stubborn tears.

   Kolivan stopped near Lance’s feet on the side of the bed after settling the tray down on the nightstand and, encased by the drapes that remained pushed to the sides of the imposing bedframe, he somehow managed to look like he was living art.  It only served to make Lance’s heart throb, the realization turning his craving into a stronger need.

   “I…,” Kolivan faltered a bit as he scanned the younger man’s face, the evidence of his crying sending painful jolts down his spine, “I was waiting for you.  In the kitchen.  I thought—I thought you’d go there eventually, and…”

 

   Their gazes met.  Lance bit his lower lip and slowly moved into a sitting position.  Maybe...

 

   “Lance, I,” he swallowed past the uneasiness and clenched his hands into fists, fighting the need to lean down and caress his beloved’s face, “I’m sorry.  I’m so, so sorry.  It was… it was selfish of me to send you away, I admit that, especially after—after what happened.  I was. I was scared, Lance.”

   “I know,” Lance whispered, barely loud enough to be heard.

   “I needed time to think,” Kolivan continued, clenching his jaw hard enough to make his ears ring, “after all that you said.  I’m not used to this, you know that.”

   “I do,” he agreed, a soft and tired smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

   “I wronged you,” Kolivan said then, letting his head fall forwards a couple of centimeters, his long braid falling over his shoulder, “in many ways that I’ll always regret.  I wronged you for not confiding in you over matters that concerned both of us.  I wronged you for hurting you, for shutting you out and sending you away when what we both wanted was to be closer together…”

   “Kolivan,” Lance sighed, raising to his knees and lifting a hand to gently brush his fingertips over the back of the other’s hand.

   “And I wronged myself,” Kolivan’s voice shook at that moment, his troubled honey eyes finding Lance’s calm ones.  Finally he allowed himself to move closer, taking Lance’s hand in his own as he knelt by the side of the bed.  Distantly, he thought that if he were to have a heartbeat, that’d be the moment he would feel like it was imploding within his ribcage.  “I wronged myself when I tried to believe in my excuses, when all I needed was the truth.  I wronged myself by making you leave, when all I wanted was for you to stay.”

   “You didn’t even have to ask,” Lance’s voice shook with affection as he moved closer so he could cup Kolivan’s cheek in his free hand, stroking a strong cheekbone with his thumb.  “Not when I always wanted to stay.”

 

   They looked at each other like they hadn’t done after months of being apart.  They looked at each other like they had truly wished to do if they were to be reunited again—and now here they were, crossing bridges that they doubted they could ever walk on before.

   Lance cradled Kolivan’s cheek in his hand, fighting his tiredness so he could spend another minute gazing at the man who had claimed his heart.  He felt himself smiling as he continued stroking over the cheekbone, enjoying the calming feeling of skin under his fingertips.

   Everything got better when Kolivan allowed himself to lean into the touch, like a treat he still wasn’t quite sure he deserved to have.  He did anyway, regardless, and let out a short sigh as the rattled pieces of himself found the places they were supposed to be once more.  Lance was his anchor, that much was so obviously true.

   Perhaps it was time to let go of obstinate stubbornness.  Many parts of him revolted at the idea, twisting and pulling, already too used to years of being on his own ever since he… had become what he was now.  And it had been so long ago—the world had changed so much already, the dangers and enemies of yesterday were no longer lurking in the shadows.  Granted, that did not mean they were entirely safer now, it just.  It just meant that they had a greater chance at seeing their love come true.

   There was no denying and no reason for hiding their previous mistakes.  They could and would grow from them, just like they were doing now.  That fateful night he hadn’t been careful enough to look for signs that he might be overdoing it, lost as he was in his desperation and need.  Not often did he feel so alive, so filled with invigorating energy.  Yet with Lance, it started to look like something he could gradually get used to.

 

   After leaving the room hours ago, he had spent all his energy thinking and rethinking about everything he believed to know for certain.  And many of such beliefs had crumbled under his fingers like wet sand crumbles from inside a closed fist.  He had been blinded by fear before, by his lifelong habit of minimizing risks in order to stay safe.  Going along with that had nearly costed him the love of his life in so many ways… 

   He had been so, so blind.

 

   “I’m sorry, Lance,” he whispered as he looked into clear blue eyes.

   “Stop apologizing,” Lance grinned, “I forgave you a while ago.”

   “Do you think that we—can we be together again?”

   “I thought you’d never ask,” chuckling, he finally closed the distance between them, heart dancing with joy in his chest as their lips pressed together in a kiss.

 

   It was slow and careful, almost tentative, and more than enough to wake a pleasant tingling over Lance’s ribs, down his knees and on his fingers.  Kolivan tilted his head just enough so that their lips could fit even better together, the world and everything in it soon reducing to just the two of them.  There was nothing else that mattered.

   With renewed vigor, Kolivan let go of Lance’s hand so he could press one of his own around the back of the other’s neck, needing the contact to center himself in the moment.  They kept kissing, lips sliding together with ease, filling him with warmth and with an undeniable need for more.  A hint of teeth over his bottom lip had him gasping, heat slow to build up inside him, his senses focusing solely on his beautiful lover.

   He got up from the floor, breaking the kiss, and smiled as he gazed down to look at Lance with everlasting adoration.  And Kolivan had once thought he could manage to live without him—what a foolish thing from his part, to act on such a nonsensical and whimsical idea.  There was no bright future without Lance.  There was no need to continue counting the days without him.  Now he fully understood that.  They did not have to be alone when they had each other.

   Lance licked his lips, leaning back a bit as he appreciated his lover’s figure.  It had been so long… Low in his belly, heat started spreading like liquid ambrosia, coursing through his body, dipping deep into his very core.  His heart skipped a beat when Kolivan rested a knee on the bed, right beside his own, and leaned over him, the mattress dipping under their weight.  

   The collar of Kolivan’s loose cotton shirt dipped down to reveal elegant collarbones and the beginning of his sternum.  Lance wanted to trace the revealed expanse of skin with his lips, with his tongue, desired to worship it, but also wished to rest his head on Kolivan’s chest and fall asleep there, encased by strong arms.

   Smiling, Lance let himself be guided back down on the mattress by the firm hand that the other had pressed to the center of his chest between one blink and the next.  Now the room didn’t seem so dismal, and the crackling fireplace seemed like the music their souls had danced to since the moment they had met.  He wrapped his arms around Kolivan’s shoulders with no lingering doubts, running one of his hands along the length of the braid before deftly tugging on the hair tie near the end, letting it loose.

   Long white strands of hair swept over Kolivan’s shoulders and framed his handsome face as he chuckled, lying almost completely on top of Lance, his hips encased between pretty pretty thighs.  He held most of his own weight on his hands that were now by the sides of his beloved’s head; his hair like a curtain that hid their loving gazes from the rest of the universe.

 

   “Home,” Lance said then, blurted out mostly, and grinned at Kolivan’s confused expression.  “I’m home.”

   “That you are,” Kolivan laughed for the first time in months, “I am too.  Home, with you.”

   “Seems that life has given us the best of treats.”

   “Yes,” he agreed with ease, lowering himself onto his forearms and resting his forehead on top of Lance’s, “being together is the best treat life could’ve gifted me with.”

   “Us,” Lance whispered while closing his eyes, “life has gifted us both.”

 

°

 

**Author's Note:**

>  _Desiderata_ means something that is "desired" or "wanted". 
> 
> I hope this story was enjoyable! 
> 
> my [tumblr](http://wajjs.tumblr.com) | [twitter](http://twitter.com/otabaek) — kolivance related accounts: [tumblr](http://kolivance.tumblr.com) | [twitter](http://twitter.com/kolivance)


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